Dad, it's okay that I'm a mess

Written by: Brittany Nguyen

Every time I come home to my parent's house, I get the same old questions. When are you going to get a job? What are you going to do when you graduate? Blah Blah Blah.

Meanwhile, I’m thinking, I have a job right now. I’m with Origins Mag, I freelance, and I’m making enough income to support myself. Isn’t that a job?

From my father’s perspective, the ideal situation is for me to work a stable job until I die (yes, he actually said that).  I can’t jump from job to job - I have to settle. In reality, that’s never going to happen. I’m going to have multiple jobs and I’ll likely be unstable for a couple of years.

But here’s the thing. I’m okay with not knowing when my next pay cheque is coming because I’m on a mission to find meaning in my life. I don’t want my job to be just a job. I don’t want to hate waking up in the morning and dread going to my 9 to 5. If I were to do that, I wouldn’t be putting my best foot forward in the world. 

Rather, I’ll be - taking naps in the storage closet (which I actually did), come home tired, take another nap - which will probably result in a full sleep. Then, I’d wake up the morning and repeat.

I’ve come to peace with the fact that my life is going to be all over the place - it’s part of my nature.

Currently, I’m working a 9-5 internship, hustling from 5pm to 7:45 - either taking meetings, calls, or finishing video edits, then working from 7:45pm-10:30pm at a part time gig. From there, I figure out dinner or pass out, then repeat. I don’t have time for breaks. Weekends aren’t restful Saturday or lazy Sunday - weekends are reserved for more work. I take on projects here and there, everything is all over the place (like honestly, I have to remind myself on my calendar to take a shower).

You might be wondering, ‘why do I stress myself out and take on more projects than I can handle?’ It’s because I’m passionate about my work. Everyday, I do what I love. 

I love my internship, I love freelancing, and I love working on Origins Mag. I want to change my father’s traditional thinking - teach him that my life can go in zig zags. It’s okay that some days I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. Dad, I’m alright. Whatever my destiny is, it’s not going to be a straight path (especially because I’m not straight).